I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY. HOW THE FUCK ARE WE HERE AGAIN? 

Lockdown 5 has just been announced. I'm so fucking tired of this shit, man. How the HELL are we here again? It's devastating, honestly. I've also been feeling incredibly low-spirited lately and this is not great. I feel like screaming, crying and throwing a tantrum - except I'm 27 so I just went to breadtop and vented my thoughts on twitter. 

I'm not really going to write about lockdown since well, this is the 5th time we've done this but it's fucking frustrating. Last time I was excited but its difficult to imagine feeling jovial about a week off right now. 

Basically, this last week I've done the shit part of my new roster: 6 days in a row, with only one day off before that. (6 days on, 3 off, 4 on, 1 off. repeat.) It's my second time doing this and honestly, the way it fucks with my mental health is insane. I have felt so unwell, and frankly depressed this last week. The same thing happened beforehand. I've also noted that I've had certain feelings that I suppose are concerning. I've lost my social battery, even at work (usually i can fake it with customers but I have no tolerance or desire to pretend to be happy. My job is draining.) which is concerning. So much (as one friend put it) of my identity is being a sociable person. I look at how i used to be and honestly i was out 3-4 times a week plus then i did gym classes on top of that. It's very difficult to imagine that now.